The Brief-Case Affair – The Prologue

Here it is, the start of The Brief-Case Affair, my first comedy crime story starring Kevin and Marjorie Shakespeare. This is a work in progress so please feel free to make any comments (good or bad – I don’t mind as long as they’re constructive) at the end of this post. The more comments I get, the better a feel I’ll get for how this is being received, so please don’t be shy.

The Prologue

All right, take your seats, please. Hurry up now. Take your seats.

Settle down, Robert.

I don’t care if William has your pencil case. That is no excuse for sitting slumped on your chair with your tie askew, your jacket still on and your finger in Maisie’s ear.

I really couldn’t care less if it’s called a Wet Willy, Robert. The simple fact is we do not lick our fingers and stick them in anyone’s orifices.

No, Robert, not even our own.

No – ‘a Wet Willy for William’ is not acceptable either; no matter how alliteratively pleasing it may sound.

All right, can we settle down, please? Now, we are continuing on from our previous lesson. Now, who has done their homework on Willy Russell’s Blood Brothers?

I see. In that case has anyone read the passage with the policeman?

Yes, Matilda.

No, Willy Russell isn’t called Willy because he was given a Wet Willy. Willy Russell is called Willy because it is a diminutive, or shortening if you will, of the name William.

No, Maggie, that doesn’t mean we can start calling William Willy – not unless that is what he wishes to be called, that is.

Mr Priestly, that is not acceptable in my class.

I couldn’t give a tinker’s toss, Mr Priestly, threatening to drop your trousers to expose your willy to the class is neither big nor clever.

No, I’m not referring to its size – I’m referring to you, Mr Priestly.

Frankly, I don’t care what Kirsty says about your willy. It is neither relevant to this class, nor conducive to the educational atmosphere we are trying to create…

I’m trying to create it.

I really don’t think that is any of your business, thank you, Kelly.

Sorry?

Ah, now that is a very good question, Victor. Who can answer Victor’s question?

He asked what an orifice is.

Victor did.

An orifice.

That’s an office.

No, that is not the same thing, Matilda.

The appearance of several similar letters in a word does not make the words the same.

Does anyone have any sensible ideas of what an orifice is?

Nobody?

Well, orifice is a noun used to describe an opening into something. Frequently we use it to describe particular openings into the human body like a nostril. In this instance, I used it to describe the opening more commonly referred to as William’s ear.

Yes, Suzanne?

Suzanne, I really wish you’d pay attention in class. It really is important that you are alert and on the ball from the moment you arrive. Everything we talk about could be vital to your exams.

Ah – that is why I am the teacher and you are but a humble student.

Yes, well I know you’re not particularly humble. Perhaps if you followed Charlie’s example, you’d be getting better grades…

Charlie! What’s so interesting outside the window that you can’t pay attention to my class?

I don’t think it is.

I definitely don’t think it’s a canary – it looks more like a tit to me.

I think you are confusing yourself there, Martin. Charlie couldn’t possibly be a tit. Apart from the anatomical differences between tits and humans, Charlie doesn’t have the distinctive yellow, blue and white patterning that makes that bird a clear example of the common, garden-variety blue tit.

Yes, Martin, the difference, of course is that the blue tit has those colours naturally. Charlie has blonde hair and insists on caking her face with blue make-up. That’s entirely different.

I don’t think we need to refer to other people’s breasts in such a derogatory term, do we William?

Sorry, Suzanne?

Well, if you were paying attention, you’d know exactly what’s going on.

Excuse me?

What about my orifices?

Oh, I see. Yes. We were talking about orifices. Yes, Robert was trying to put a Wet Willy into William’s orifice, and Victor wanted to know what an orifice is. Does that answer your question?

Yes, Matilda, I imagine you can put real willies into orifices, but I have no intention of going down that line of conversation. Now, I think you’ve distracted me enough for one day. Can you please open your books to page…

Mr Priestly – I will not ask you again. I’m sure Maisie doesn’t appreciate that bouncing next to her ear.

Oh really, and what makes you so sure she does?

Well tell her to put it away. She shouldn’t have that out in class anyway.

Now who can tell me what the significance of the policeman visiting the two boys’ parents is?

Anybody?

In Blood Brothers.

The play we’re reading.

Yes, that one.

Michael?

I’m not sure that’s entirely relevant. You are, of course, correct. I did have a minor run in with the police over the holidays, but I don’t see the relevance with the question at hand…

What’s it like to spend time with policemen? Well, I spent my time with two detectives actually.

Yes, Robert, I suppose you’re right – detectives are not all too dissimilar to policemen.

Yes, well actually they are not all too different to anyone else in the world, really. They are human after all. They are flawed. They tell lies. They make mistakes just like anyone else.

Well, I was just happy to oblige really.

Yes, Harvey?

You’re dad said what about me?

Well, that’s just typical of the… of the small-minded and insignificant views of people who… who… who… know nothing about anything. Just because your dad read something in the paper, he thinks he knows all about it and thinks he… and thinks he has the right – no, the social status – to comment. At the end of the day the only people who know what happened are my wife and I, the police, and anyone who was in court when the case was brought before the magistrates. Anyone else is about as ignorant as… as… as something very ignorant indeed.

Your dad was one of the magistrates?

Well, there you are then. That just goes to show how invalid his view is. The case was too big for the magistrates. They had to send it straight up to the Crown Court. It was too important for it to be wasted on the limited abilities of such small-minded people…

Oh yes, Matilda, I would love the opportunity to set the record straight.

You’re right William. I should write a book about it. It would be a real corker. And, given my classroom experience, I know the sort of thing the exam boards want in a story: foreshadowing; creative descriptions; real hard-hitting drama that cuts right to the heart of civilisation. I wouldn’t be surprised if it would get selected as a set text for future GCSEs. Yes, you’re right. I should write it.

Oh. I couldn’t possibly tell you the story now, Suzanne; we’re far behind the course as it is.

Well, I don’t think it would be appropriate. I mean – it’s not really relevant to what we’re talking about in class today, is it?

Yes, I appreciate your input Robert, but I don’t think inserting a character called Wet Willy into my narrative will really help with my particular predicament.

Yes, yes – that’s true. I suppose I’d be giving you a taste of a future set text that could be in the syllabus. I tell you what, why don’t we put it to the vote? All those in favour?

Anyone against?

Well – I’m deeply touched. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced so much support in my life. And you’re not concerned you might miss out on something important from Blood Brothers if we do this?

Very well then. I am, if nothing, a slave to my students’ needs. I suppose I had better tell you my tale. Feel free to take any notes, and if I say anything that sounds really quotable and brilliant, please do jot it down. Knowing me, I’ll forget it by the time I get home…

Mr Priestly. If you don’t put that away, I’ll cut it off…

What do you think so far? Please feel free to let me know. They’ll be new chapters posted every couple of days so stay tuned for the next one.

The Brief-Case Affair: or the story of a man who went looking for adultery and came back with a lemon

Here is your first look at my brand-new, comedy crime story, The Brief-Case Affair. I’ll begin posting chapters next week, but have a read of the blurb in the meantime and let me know what you think.

Would you pick this up if you saw the description (and cover)? Does it exude the humour vibe? Or does it just seem silly?

Let me know – all feedback is good feedback!

When a man suspects his wife, Marjorie, of having an affair, there are only two things he can do: assume her guilt and find another wife, or seek help from a private investigator.

Kevin did the latter.

But when the private investigator doesn’t quite turn out to be what Kevin expects, he is forced to investigate Marjorie’s affair alone, and uncovers a web of conspiracy that is so complicated that he hasn’t the first idea where to start.

Until Marjorie takes over…

From Crime to Comedy (and crime)…

In my last post, I alluded to the work I was doing on the next Giles novel, The Court of Obsessions. Since that post, a few things have changed for me and I think the time is now right for me to update you on the changes you can expect to see.

Some of you may have noticed a few subtle changes on my site. Most noticeably, the site is no longer called The Dark Corrupts Us All… and, instead, is simply called Nick R B Tingley – simple and to the point, I feel. There are a couple of reasons for this change, but before I go into the details, I feel that I should explain why these changes are coming about.

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I’ve spent most of my life writing thrillers, crime dramas – pretty much anything dark and gloomy. And then I started my career as a ghost writer and discovered a lot of my clients thought my particular style was perfect for their comedic stories.

As time went on, I began to realise that my dark and gloomy earlier work was – well – depressing really. And if I, as a writer, was becoming depressed by it, that really wasn’t a good sign.

So now, after lots of advice from the people around me, I’m taking my (alleged) ability to create humour on the page and  branching out into comedy writing. I think testing comedy is essential, so I will be using this site to test out my work in its early stages – warts and all. Some of it may be funny, some of it may miss the mark – but it is all an integral part of the process.

Think of this site in the same way you would think of a comedian testing his work out at small comedy clubs before going out on tour.

That isn’t to say that I’m giving up on the crime fiction – far from it. When my head is the right place, I fully intend to return to DS Giles and finish what I started (and I also have a few other projects that I’d love to complete as well). But, in the meantime, I will be branching out into comedy, and I hope you find as much pleasure in this more light-hearted work than my previous novels.

SO – this is where we get to the exciting part.

I am delighted to announce that I am in the process of writing my first comedy novella and, as you might expect, I haven’t dropped the crime fiction aspect. I will be releasing chapters on this site over the next month or so, and would welcome any and all comments.

So, without further ado, I give you my first comedy crime story  – The Brief Case Affair.

Stay tuned for the first few chapters coming soon!

The Bluebell Interviews – Part V

Welcome to the fifth and final part of the Bluebell Interviews, a collection of short interviews filmed to promote my new novel, The Bluebell Informant, and released over the last couple of days in the lead up to my new website going live.

So far in the Bluebell Interviews, I have covered the story in general, the main character of DS Giles, the character of the former politician, Daniel Baker, and Giles’ somewhat ambiguous colleague, DI Harris.

In this final instalment, we talk about the man behind it all – the shadowy figure lurking in the background of the entire novel – the man pulling the strings, Mr Tommy Haines…

The Bluebell Interviews -Part IV

Welcome back to the Bluebell Interviews – a collection of interviews I recorded about my novel, The Bluebell Informant, in the run up to my new and (hopefully) improved website going live later tonight.

Well, tonight is the big night – and to celebrate this, I have a double whammy for you.

So far in the Bluebell Interviews we have covered, the story behind The Bluebell Informant, the main character of DS Evelyn Giles and the character of former politician, Daniel Barker.

In this post, I discuss one of Giles’ colleagues, a man called Detective Inspector William Harris – a detective who may not be quite everything he seems…

 

Stay tuned for the final part of The Bluebell Interviews, which will be released in the next couple of hours.

The Bluebell Interviews – Part III

Welcome back to The Bluebell Interviews, a series of interviews that I made a few days ago for my new novel, The Bluebell Informant.

In the run up to my website going live tomorrow evening, I have been releasing short interviews about different aspects of the story exclusively to my readers.

In my last posts I talked about The Bluebell Informant in general and it’s main character, DS Giles. In this post I talk a little bit about another crucial character, Daniel Barker, and how he came to be included into the story.

The Bluebell Interviews – Part II

So, as you may have heard, I have finally got my new website into a fit enough state to go live in the next couple of days. The site will go live on Sunday evening and will contain a lot of never before seen extracts from the Bluebell Informant to give you all a little something to tide you over until I finally get it released.

In the run up to the website going live, I will be periodically releasing some of the interviews I recorded recently about the Bluebell Informant so that you lovely readers will be among the first to see what it’s all about.

In my last post, I shared a video where I talked about The Bluebell Informant in general. In this one, I talk a little more about the story’s main character, Detective Sergeant Evelyn Giles.

Enjoy

What’s The Bluebell Informant all about?

Today, I started work on the fifth draft of The Bluebell Informant, the first instalment in my D.S. Giles series. I have spoken a lot about my progress on the story, and the second in the series The Court of Obsessions, but I have been keeping the particulars of the story under my hat.

True, I may have been dropping the occasional hints now and then, but I haven’t actually talked about what it’s all about.

Until now.

Max is an enigma. A man never seen, only heard. A man never met, but well-known.

A man running for his life…

Enter Detective Sergeant Evelyn Giles. The only person who can protect him.

When Detective Sergeant Evelyn Giles is called out to a murder scene, she thinks it is a relatively straightforward affair. But when the prime suspect turns out to be one of her most valuable informants, Giles is forced to choose between bringing him to justice and freeing him so that she can stop an even greater evil.

Set in the Kent countryside and the gritty streets of London, Giles races to get her informant to safety as powerful forces, and even some of her closest colleagues, hunt her down to stop the informant from talking…

What is The Bluebell Informant about?

The story of The Bluebell Informant is about several things really. It’s about deceit, it’s about corruption, it’s about revenge – but at the heart of it, the story is really about the relationship between Giles and her informant, Daniel Baker.

Giles is Chinese by birth and Baker is the former leader of the Britain’s Own Party, a far-right party (with quite extreme anti-immigration policies) that has managed to win a recent General Election and form a government. On the face of it, these two people should absolutely despise each other and, throughout the book, they are constantly sniping at each other and reach points where they just want to be rid of one another.

 But both have something substantial to offer the other. Baker has information that is vital to one of Giles’ ongoing investigation and Giles is the only person who can possibly get Baker out of the trouble he’s in. So the two characters have to form an uneasy alliance, learn to trust each other and put aside their differences if they are both going to survive.

Where did the idea come from?

The 2015 UK general election was a massive influence on me. I had been working on another Giles story, The Court of Obsessions, when I decided that I needed to write a prequel. I already knew roughly how I wanted the story to go, but I wasn’t entirely clear on the details.

When the general election was in full swing, there was a lot of stuff flying around on the internet, particularly aimed at UKIP, with a lot of scare-mongering and viciousness thrown into the mix. And it got me wondering, if all these people were right, what sort of world would electing a far right party like that end up creating? From that, I started building up the story of Baker and his fall from grace and it really lifted off from there.

The first part of The Bluebell Informant is set in Edenbridge, where you live at the moment. Is there any reason for that?

A lot of writers say that you should write what you know, which is something I can sort of relate to but at the same time I like researching and writing about the unfamiliar. But the truth is the whole environment around Edenbridge gave me so much inspiration for this book that it would be a disservice not to set it here.

Obviously, writing about Edenbridge makes a lot of sense – I live here, I play rugby here, I work nearby. But actually the real reason why it got set here was because of the breadth of environments you have around here. Just walking from the town and upstream along the river, you move from the old town into a modern housing area, and then from there you hit the playing pitches and beyond that lovely country walks with old WWII pillboxes scattered around.

There is just so much history packed into a small area and so much inspiration around that it is really hard to not be inspired by it all.

Not to mention, on the more logistical side of things, if I ever get stuck, it is so convenient to just walk out of my front door and be at the locations mentioned in the novel in a matter of minutes.

And the murder itself?

The murder is the catalyst that sets everything off. A man is found dead on the river pathway, propped up next to a WWII pillbox with a bullet in the back of his head. He’s a complete John Doe, no way of getting an ID, and Baker is pegged immediately as the prime suspect by the local police.

But, despite all her misgivings towards him, Giles starts to suspect that something isn’t quite right and soon discovers that Baker is actually one of her informants, a guy who calls himself Max. He claims that the murder was all self defence and that he is the victim of an attempted assassination. He also has information that not only implicates quite a powerful man in a string of murders but is also capable of completely toppling the government.

From that point onwards, Giles is left with a bit of a dilemma. Does she take Baker in and try to solve the murder, or does she try to break him out so that she can take down the bigger threat?

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting more features about The Bluebell Informant. Stay tuned for all the latest, including sneak peeks and teasers.

You by Caroline Kepnes

I was recommended this book by a friend who suggested that I might like it because of the unusual way in which the story is told – and she wasn’t wrong.

Told from the perspective of a young teenager, the entirety of You is told in the second person, addressed to the object of the man’s affection – a creative writing student called Beck. As a piece of fiction, it was refreshing to read something that was told in a completely unique way as the reader is allowed to delve into the deepest thoughts of the narrator as he becomes more and more obsessed with Beck, often resulting in him committing serious criminal acts.

This tale of a deluded stalker is so wonderfully put together that, even as you grow to hate him more, you get sucked into his story and, by the end of the story, you find yourself almost sympathetic with his plight. Despite the horrific actions he undertakes (and there are truly some awful moments that are not for the faint hearted) you find yourself almost routing for the narrator and almost grow to despise Beck, even though she is technically the victim of the piece.

However, it is not all good for this novel. Once you get past the masterful characterisation and the unique way of telling the story, and finally analyse the story for what it is, you’re left feeling rather underwhelmed. Other readers have commented that the ending is a superb twist to a great story but, for my part, it felt rather predictable and almost seemed telegraphed from the very early stages of the book.

Whenever something truly horrifying happened it felt somehow inevitable and therefore held very little shock value for me. In fact, the one time when I did find myself shocked was when he was distracted from his intentions by something that truly focussed his obsession once again.

Which I think was the point in the end…

There’s no denying that this book is a good read – although the use of the word good seems rather inappropriate. Its blunt and crude method of addressing the act of obsession is both effective and hypnotic. I would certainly recommend that this is a book that is read – but I’d be careful about what you take away from it…

Four out of five. Effective story telling, but lacklustre story… In my opinion at least.

Marketing in the World of Creativity

To all writers, creativity is king of all things.

Whether you write just for yourself, or for someone else, to free your mind, or to find fame and fortune, without the ability to create fascinating stories and worlds in which they dwell, you will very quickly find yourself giving up. We immerse ourselves in our creativity and strive to bring out the best in us everyday so that we can continue our pursuit in contentment.

In fact, when we start off, we never imagine for a moment that there might be a time when creativity must take a backseat to something more tedious if we are to see our work displayed before the world. And yet, for the vast majority of writers who seek public approval in some manner or another, that is precisely what happens. And as writers, we dread the moment when our story is finished and we must then go through the arduous task of convincing someone that it is worth their while to start reading so that they can appreciate our brilliance.

But we needn’t have to. And, in fact, it was only recently that I discovered that the marketing process of a book is truly the most important part of the whole process.

Which is why, this week, I have been thinking about marketing my latest short story, which will be released at some stage over this year.

‘What?’ I hear you cry. ‘You only announced you were writing it last week?’

‘Exactly,’ I reply. ‘And I can think of no time better.’

Unlike many of my other short stories, which were either released through magazines or through my own blog or website, this story is going to be something special if, for no other reason, it will stand as a prequel to the novel I have been working on. As such, maximum impact is key.

‘Why?’ you ask.

‘Two main reasons,’ I retort…

Firstly, by creating a thorough and intense marketing strategy for this short story, it will give me some much needed practice in the art of self-promotion.

For many writers, this can be a stumbling block. There is nothing worse than, having carefully crafted your novel with all its elegant twists and turns and character developments, to find it placed on the grand market place of stories with little or no interest in it. If you have ever found yourself in that situation, you will know that it is the most disheartening thing in the world to come to the realisation that you should have started plugging your book long before the release date and have to be content with the meagre distribution that inevitably comes your way.

Secondly, I want to get this story on everyone’s radar and, more importantly, get everyone to read it, as it will be a key audience gatherer for the novel when it finally surfaces.

The hope is that, through my efforts of marketing this relatively small prequel, I will be able to build a significant audience for the series so that, when the novel finally comes around, I will have a key base around with to build my campaign…

In fact, I’m seeing this marketing thing sort of like an election campaign.

You have your key players (your close friends and family who will buy your work no matter what) your party members (who have tested your work and found that they liked it enough to keep track of your future releases) and the great mass of undecided voters (the people who have never read your work and may not even know who you are)…

Marketing a book, like politics, suddenly becomes a game. How many people can I draw to my book? Where can I go to find more readers? How can I convince the readers to invest in my story?

Suddenly, the boredom and monotony has gone and only the excitement of the chase remains. A chase that, only through using your well-tuned inspiration, can you hope to complete…

And thus we come full circle…

‘But what is your story about?’ you ask, for that is what you really want to know. ‘Can you not give us a hint about it?’

‘Ah,’ I respond, with a twinkle in my eye. ‘Have you not been paying attention?’

And with that, I leave you to find the spoilers…