Sniper

Comments are most welcome. 

Have a good Monday all. 

Sniper

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6 thoughts on “Sniper”

  1. WOW! From the very beginning line, you draw the reader in with the uncertainty of suspense. Right away, you root the reader in the communal and experiential body sensations of breath which allows the reader to start an immediate vicarious journey. I also like how the physical cold relates to the implied cold that the narrator is feeling. And what a way to conclude! “I breathe and take my aim.” Still, we don’t know if the narrator shoots or changes his mind, etc. Excellent! Thank you for sharing Nick!

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    1. Thanks Asha, I really wasn’t expecting anything that in-depth so thank you very much. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m only just starting out with poetry so I’ve got a long way to go but your comments are immensely valuable. Thanks again!

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  2. It’s great but I’m confused. I pictured looking thru the scope with the crosshairs on his chest but then it says that his helmet is pokes above the trench. So I couldn’t decide if I was only seeing his helmet or his whole upper body?

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    1. Yeh, it was just his head poking over the trench originally but I wanted to make it seem like he was panicking a little so he wasn’t clear on what he’s seeing… I’m not entirely sure that bit works either so I may put it back to how it was originally. Thanks for the comment though!

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